Friends and colleagues of Piers Morgan we’re in a celebratory mood today after he announced his decision to take up permanent residence inside Donald Trump’s colon.
The decision came during the latest fawning television interview during which Morgan climbed deep inside Mr Drumpf, forcing his way upstream passed cement like blocks of constipation formed entirely of cheeseburgers and invested copies of Mein Kampf, and settled into a fold in the ageing totalitarian and alleged Russian stooge.
”It was relatively easy for Piers to climb in,” the lighting rig engineer told LCD Views, “he’s had so much practice. Mr Trump merely sat on him while Piers squatted and made a steeple over his head with his hands.”
Morgan is expected to stay and is trusting Donald Trump’s position as temporary US president will allow him to smuggle the useful British idiot back into America without a visa.
”He said he’s going to change his postal address,” the engineer added, “to something like No. 1 Anus Washington, with a second address listed as a Florida golf course.”
Friends of Mr Morgan have added that not only will Piers finally be living in his natural home, but it will also allow him special access to report on what is said when Trump attends his latest work performance review with his boss, Vladimir Putin.
”He’ll have the inside scoop on what is said,” the engineer added, “and given he is so easily impressed by autocratic men, and will abase himself, Vladimir is expected to be unconcerned when Trump crawls inside him to make Put-Trump-Morg-en. That’s similar to a Turkducken as both the weaker animals are boneless too, but it smells and tastes a lot worse.”