LCD Views is pleased to launch another update to our bestselling global bestselling digital guide to life post Brexit with the reckless flinging at social media of “Bring home the bacon”.
In this timely update we focus on sourcing food locally, once the government stockpile of tinned ham and beans is exhausted on day three, post the United Kingdom’s triumphant departure from stable food supply lines.
”You can start before Brexit if you want,” the author says, “but cannibalism will probably only be legalised after the article 50 notification time period is exhausted and the civilised society collapses into a murderous shambles.”
In the guide you will find advice on tracking, hunting into exhaustion and finally eating raw, or twice cooked, gammon.
”Pulled gammon will also be on the menu,” the author advises, “so the hipster pop up food outlets needn’t worry about a lack of possibilities as we embrace the buccaneering future of first rioting and then hunting each other to stay alive. This is democracy at work.”
Use of tinned food for both offensive and defensive purposes is also covered.
“Beans used to be solely offensive, by way of wind, but after Brexit that gas will be a coveted source of heating fuel,
“But remember, you can also model protective vests out of the lids of bean cans. Shine them up and sparkle in the sunlight from the hill top you have chosen to fortify as prehistorical lifestyles return to favour with a passion bordering on the hysterical.”
As to how to find the gammon, the guide says that will be very easy.
”Their migratory patterns take them from Wetherspoons pubs to EDL marches. Just track them and startle them into running with photos of ethnically diverse social gatherings. If you happen upon the more aggressive ones, let them chase you to a prepared ambush spot where your clan waits armed with sharpened stakes to poke the pigs.”
Staying alive won’t be easy after Brexit, but it will be possible once you learn how to bring home the bacon. You might even find you get a taste for it.