Great news for people caught short on future trade policy today with the revelation that the much anticipated new Brexit white paper will change colour after use by cabinet, and junior, ministers.
”This is so we can tell if they’ve actually handled it,” Cabinet minister, David Lidington, told LCD Views ‘Small rooms but big thoughts’ correspondent.
The move to manufacture the latest plethora of insanity which will bare little relation to anything that can be put into practice, out of a material that easily shows use, was in response to the gobsmacking news that only 6% of ministers had so far bothered to read the Brexit impact assessments produced by DExEU, after denials of their existence.
”That’s not too surprising,” Mr Lidington said, “to be fair, anyone with half a brain new what the impact of Brexit was going to be. That’s why so many shorted the pound on the night of the referendum back in 2016. They look forward to doing that again as future manufactured crisis occurs. It’ll give them more buying power when it’s time to asset strip the whole bally show. Ha!”
Details of what will be contained in the white paper are as yet uncertain, although reassuringly copies will be sent to all EU27 heads in their own languages.
”This is because we’re so blinking thick in government it never occurs to us they actually speak English. So a little patronisation ought to grease the wheels. What ho!”
What is certain is that whatever sticks to the new rolls of white paper produced by May’s government will be exactly the same as if you asked all the cabinet ministers to bend over with their pants down and wiped their butts, and then called the result a policy document.
Wipe for Britain! Before your government wipes all over you.