Emperor Trumpetine has just announced his latest plan, to develop a new arm of his country’s military, a Space Force.
Speaking at a press conference, he stated that having not only a presence but dominance in space was “very important”.
The question was asked who this space force would be fighting against. Trumpetine replied straight away:
“Jedi. Evil Jedi. Bad guys who use mind control to get what they want. We can’t let these people continue. Obi-Wan Mueller is massing an army of Jedi to march against our glorious nation and take control of our minds. We can’t let that happen. We need a space force to stop him. Now. Very important we do that immedi-, uh, immedicin-, uh, right away.”
One reporter asked about the Cardassians’ occupation of neighbouring Bajor, Trumpetine replied:
“I know all about the Cardassians’ activities. I have spoken with their leader, Kim Cardassian, who tells me that their presence on Bajor is not oppressi-, uh, opposi-, uh, bad in any way. They just need a few things from that world and they’ve asked the Bajorans to provide them.”
Which doesn’t explain the concentration camps that Bajoran civilians are being sent to.
“There are no such places,” Trumpetine replied, firmly. “I don’t care what you have heard, what you have read, I have spoken to Kim, who has checked with their man on the spot, Gul Dukat, who assures him that his people are not causing any suffering to the Bajorans. Very good people, the Cardassians. They would never do such a thing. Any claims that they do can only come from Bajoran terrorist groups.”
Trump then held up a piece of paper. “This is a treaty I have signed with the Cardassians, promising the United States Space Regime will be there to put a stop to all terrorism in space.”
On hearing the name he had given to his space force, I could only wonder who had actually let it pass with those initials, but there were more important issues.
Trumpetine went on:
“The Bajorans are terrorists. The Jedi are terrorists, and there’s only one way to deal with all terrorists, exterminate them. Exterminate, exterminate, exterminate!”
As he left amid cheers from his own supporters, I rather suspected he stood in need of the services of a Doctor.