US supreme leader and president for life, Donald Trump President stormed out of the G7 heads of state meeting Saturday following news reports that the “Free Tommy Robinson” demonstration in London was better attended than his inauguration ceremony last year.
Informed of the reports by his trade secretary Peter Navarro, President Trump furiously rounded on Canadian president Justin Trudeau, accusing him of sending several divisions of Royal Canadian Mounted Police to London to boost numbers and make him look small time.
Turning to the other heads of state present Trump announced that in response he was doubling his recently announced tariffs on US imports of Canadian lumberjack shirts.
“These people are lumberjacks, and it is most definitely NOT OK,” he snarled, before refusing to endorse the joint communiqué he had signed only minutes before and swallowing the red Crayola crayon he had used to sign it with.
Efforts by German chancellor Angela Merkel to make him sick up the crayon, went unheeded and Trump was able to depart to his long awaited summit meeting with his new besty, Kim Jong Un, wearing a disturbingly crimson smirk.
Speaking to reporters after Trump’s televised flounce, Navarro confirmed that President Trump would most definitely be holding a lifelong grudge against both Trudeau, and also UK prime minister Theresa may for allowing such an enormous demonstration to go ahead without his permission.
“There is a special place in hell for da both of them…I mean, who da fuck is dis “Tommy Robinson” dude – does he own a golf course? Did he win a US presidential election with the highest majoritiest of majorities ever? Has he got that Korean dude’s mobile number? What da fuck did Treeza think she was doing, dis here is a SPECIAL relationship, ya dig? ” he queried.
Asked by reporters how he had got the idea that a violent demonstration in London by a couple of thousand red faced drunks and closet Nazis could be bigger than Trump’s own inauguration, Navarro was momentarily nonplussed.
“Whaddaya mean how did I get the idea? It was all over Fox news and Breibart, don’t you clowns follow the news,” he sneered before replacing his red nose, planting his crownless white bowler on his flamboyantly bald pate and plodding off towards Airforce One in his oversized red boots, tooting randomly on an antique car horn.