Members and other slang terms for willies of the House of Commons have announced the intention to fabricate more truths in order to make up for the manufacturing slump in the United Kingdom.
Under the ambitious scheme, which is likely to be a cross party initiative, MPs will use a variety of imaginative tools in order to put the slowdown down to anything other than Brexit.
“It’s thinking outside of the box time,” Jacob Rees-Mogg, MP for not understanding how international trade works in the 21st Century, told us, “and putting your head deep inside your bottom time.”
Buckets of sand will also be available for less flexible members, although there is a health and safety concern relating to how long they will need to keep their heads in a place where breathing is difficult.
“It’s just the natural cycle of business,” JRM went on, “there’s always these little fluctuations up and down. It’s really nothing to worry about. Everything will sort itself out in a decade or three.”
And while it is obvious that the devaluation in sterling will certainly be capitalised on by the country’s manufacturers sooner, or later, or really later, sometime after Brexit and parity with the USD, no one is to worry about anything at all.
“The most recent slump is down to all that snow we had in May,” JRM added, by way of providing clarity, “which is highly unusual, especially as it fell only at night and outside the entrances to the manufacturing plants.”
Just to be sure everyone is aware too, it’s,
“Nothing to do with Brexit. Completely unrelated. Brexit is already making the country a richer place in so many ways. Especially me. Which is only fair, as I’m a man of the people. Now, would you mind subsidising refurbishment of my ancient mansion?”