“I thought we’d have it wrapped up by Christmas, to be honest,” ultra Brexit disaster capitalist JRM told us this morning, “but those bloody traitorous remoaners. Ooo. How I shake my fist.”
We were speaking to this particular lunatic at a tree planting ceremony on a beach at a tropical tax haven. Palm tree going into the sand to spread its roots and become the listed address for thousands of companies overnight.
”I want my tax haven at home. My friends in Russia want it at my home too,” he added, handing us the shovel as he disdains from manual labour, “serfs task. Digging. Nanny won’t like it if I come home with dirty nails.”
But surely, with an executive committed to Brexit, a subservient parliament jammed full of individuals until recently terrified gammon folk wouldn’t vote for them if they didn’t tow the line, an official opposition attempting to turn Brexit to Lexit, and a majority of media owned by tax exiles shoving Brexit means Brexit down everyone’s throats day in and out, and even the BBC being the mouthpiece for Torykip propaganda, you’ve it sewn up?
“One would have thought so,” he sighed, waving for a scantily clad servant to waft his fevered brow with a palm frond, “but those saboteurs are fighting so dirty. Facts! They keep using facts! And now the business community has joined in. It’s not fair. Sniff.”
But you can still pull it off. Try some compromises? Like not holding hostage the lives of millions of people either side of the English Channel and the border in Ireland?
”That defeats the purpose. There is only one Brexit. Complete. Total. Crash Brexit. Artificially devalue valuable commodities so you can buy them cheap and then stabilise, increase value and flog off.
And all this talk of backstops just so people don’t go killing each other again in that colony off the coast of Wales? It’s sickening.”
Surely that’s good? You don’t want people to die in the service of your hard right neocon project?
”My dear fellow. How blinkered you are. Any Brexit backstop deal will delay the complete economic collapse of the United Kingdom by several years. It’ll vastly reduce the profit.”