Wonderful, just wonderful and fantastic news today with the announcement by local pressure group Momentum that they are rebranding as Abstention and relaunching their special brand of small hall focused politics with a sandwich cream.
We were invited along especially to the press conference, which was given at the smallest town hall ever constructed in England, just off the coast of Norwich on an islet most people have forgotten is still there. But it’s still campaigning, even if no one will bother to report it, so there.
”Perfect place to continue to build momentum,” our guide, a nineteen year old sociology student who stands to inherit millions once he gives up the commie stuff and agrees to run Dad’s oil company, as is his birthright,
“are you going to Jeremybury next week? Fab party in the park. Nothing better to get together and sing some songs while the country decays into the state needed for revolution. Da comrade? Da?”
Da. Now, what about this sandwich spread?
”Oh phew, for a horrible moment from the bad look in your capitalist’s eye I thought you were going to ask why Corbyn keeps siding with May on Brexit.”
Let’s talk about the sandwich spread first and get to the minor stuff later?
”Yes. Otherwise I’ll organise a pile on on all social media platforms in the hope of bullying you out of the debate.”
I’m used to it. I saw through Corbyn in 2016 when it came to Brexit. As Brexit will rule all and make all the positive policy ideas of Labour impossible, I’ve been questioning for a while.
”You lack purity of essence. That’s your problem. You’re now personally responsible for rough sleepers. You Blairite scum.”
Save it for after we publish. Tell me about the sandwich spread?
”Oh. Right. It has purity of essence all through it.”
But why call it Abstention?
”Because that’s all we do as the official opposition. Abstain. Remember, Lexit is more important than the NHS.”
So it’s a fresh, principled, new kind of sandwich spread?
”It sure is. Here, have a taste.”
Tastes bloody cynical to me.
”That’s because you’re scum. Now, would you like to join Abstention? It’ll only cost you all the manufacturing jobs the United Kingdom has left.”