Angry old men, affectionately referred to as ‘gammons’, have reacted badly to the announcement that the BBC was not going to use the word ‘gammon’ to describe them. One such man, spokesman of the Pork Information Group (PIG), has gone as far as to blame this on Muslim appeasement.
“This has gone far enough!” thundered PIG leader Hammond Chipps. “What’s wrong with calling people gammons? Oh yes, Muslims don’t eat it, so the lefty libtard snowflake BBC won’t mention it because it’s “offensive”. You know what? I don’t care. I’m gammon and proud of it. This is our country, if you don’t like it go home!”
Chipps paused to mop his florid forehead and regain his breath. Blood vessels pulsed menacingly under his ruddy skin.
“The limp-wristed traitorous BBC is stopping free speech,” Chipps continued, puffing like a poorly maintained steam engine. “In our country we can say what we like! The PIG says it as it is, and anyone who doesn’t like it should shut up!”
The very definition of free speech, I’m sure you will agree.
LCD’s Meat Metaphors correspondent sought the opinion from the Islamic point of view. “I’m tired of repeating myself,” said Hamza Fensive of Muslims Of Britain (MOB). “Muslims are not offended by pigs or pork. Calling people gammons is fine, yes they do look a bit meaty, don’t they?”
If you don’t like it go home? If you don’t like it shut up?
“Here we go again,” sighed Fensive, his eyeballs rolling audibly. “MOB members all live in the UK, and we are not the ones making all the noise! Tell you what though. Our Mosque gets bombarded with bacon. Well, we won’t eat it, but some of our more enterprising chaps have opened a pop-up shop selling bacon sandwiches!”
The BBC was too chicken to speak to us. However, in a statement it claimed that the term “gammon” was borderline racist, probably, and that the BBC didn’t want to offend their core audience of Question Time plants.
The BBC is chicken about gammon plants, and those who reject pork are bringing home the bacon. Brexit Britain in a nutshell. The world’s gone crackers.