Social media platforms are buzzing today with the amazing news that the government of the United Kingdom is to host a summit later this year just so smaller countries vying to join the European Union can get together and laugh at us.
“This is Global Britain Empire 2.0 in action,” Liam ‘airmiles’ Fox told LCD Views from the gold lounge in terminal 7, Heathrow, shortly before jetting off to sell more bombs to dictators, “we don’t need membership of the EU for prosperity, not while people far away are determined to bomb the sh*t out of each other, but smaller countries without highly developed arms industries most certainly do.”
So we’re doing it from a standpoint of credibility?
“Yes. We’re a proper example of why membership of the European Union is desirable in an interconnected world with massive tax dodging individuals and multinationals vying to take over countries with a reputation for rule of law from behind the scenes, just so they can undermine the rule of law and get even richer. It’s what Brexit is about.”
And what talks or classes we will put on for these lucky little start up democracies?
“We’re going to hold classes on democratic accountability, how to milk the teat of the taxpayer till it bleeds while in office and just how lucky do you have to be to have an economy that has bombs and the creation of mass refugee situations at its heart, but a dangerous amount of water separating you from the problem when it arises, while having elected an institutionally racist government. What a jackpot for the UK in the time of Tories in power. It’s going to be a fun packed summit.”
Who’s coming to it?
“Smaller countries from the Balkans and wherever else. I didn’t read the detail. We’ll include the attendees in the latest immigration statistics and deport them before the summit closes as further evidence of why getting into the EU is good. Human rights, well, it’s for others now of course.”
Global Britain on show. Stocking up on laughs to export to the world. Get in there and giggle!