The fully automated prime ministerial system Maybot 9000 has issued a call for help from the 10 Downing Street water closet after becoming trapped inside with her own screams.
”We’re bloody chuffed,” IT specialist on the project, Mr R Murdoch, told LCD Views, “we didn’t even realise the Maybot 9000 was capable of turning handles, let alone succeeding in locking itself inside a water closet.”
But capable of it she is.
”It’s quite amazing. When we showcased her to the commissioning committee in 2016, we had to prove we had programmed her to push doors with pull written on them. It didn’t occur to anyone to test the AI with handles you can turn.”
But it seems the surprises keep coming, and the call for help, issued this morning was another.
”A Tory 1922 systems platform being capable of going online and utilising social media? Well, none of the actual human simulations can do that. After calling and calling for help and no one answering it seems she got inventive. Which is also odd, as she’s only programmed to use messenger pigeons. Most of those get eaten over London by falcons.
But it seems we may have accidentally produced a Terminator? If the tin can can turn doors. At least so far as civil liberties and anyone not born to inherited wealth who can just buy themselves a burgundy passport is concerned.”
So did a crew go and help her?
”What?”
Surely once the call for help was identified floating about Twitter and Facebook a team was sent to open the door?
”Well she’s locked herself in on the inside. I don’t think anyone is in a great hurry. We’re actually curious to see how long it takes for her to figure a way out of the corner she’s backed herself into.
Right now, we can see from her onboard CCTV, she’s just turning in desperate circles saying, ‘I’m sorry Dave. You ran away. I’m sorry Dave’.”
She’s apologising to someone?
”It sounds more like an accusation. She injects something about making sweet, sweet love to a pig’s face every now and then.”
So how long till she can free herself?
”Based on current performance? I’d say never. She’ll be decommissioned and serve out her long battery life as a flashing light on the turn off to a road to nowhere.”
You mean driving along the road Brexit?
”Oh, she’s already a warning about that. It’s a tangible benefit of the Maybot 9000 project. I hope people are paying attention.”