Doctor Body, a world famous expert in the field of body language studies says today the planned President Donald Trump visit to the UK is highly unlikely, after studying a photo of several people.
“These four people here,” Doctor Body tells LCD Views, “they’re the kind of highly intelligent, selfless public servants that will be lined up to meet the world’s most famous humanitarian when he visits. Clearly none of them have done any preparation. You can tell that just by looking at them.”
Doctor Body says he can tell this because of the way the four people are standing.
“Their hands are down by their sides,” he tells us, “do they look ready to shake hands with the world’s most famous handshaker in chief to you?”
He has a good point. With legs splayed out in a power display, or because of overheating genitalia, it’s hard to tell which, none of the people in the image are braced for impact.
“Maybe the photos were taken after sitting on a hot plate accidentally,” Doctor Body muses, “but then they would be grimacing. They’d also have their hands in a defensive posture holding an ice pack or something. I’m not sure what treatment would be used. I’m a body language expert. Not a medical doctor. I’m not even a qualified first aider.”
So how does he suggest they signal readiness to meet the cheeto faced, gammon chorus leader in chief?
“Close your legs,” Doctor Body advises, “and get ready to ride out the most preposterous handshake ever. Donald Trump is a self confessed sexual predator. The fact that the American people voted him into office leaves me shaking my head in wonder.
It would be best not to allow him to visit in the first place so as not to validate his appalling lack of ethics and gutter scraping behaviour.”
So work on the handshake. Got it.