Radio shock jock Nigel Farage has announced he is to burn his children’s German passports, in solidarity with the many millions of young people he’s helped to disenfranchise with Brexit.
”Let’s get one thing clear from the outset,” Mr Farage told LCD Views, by way of an interpreter so his hate speech was comprehensible, “I won’t have anyone accusing me of hypocrisy.
It was just an accident, the series of relationships I’ve had with European women resulting in my own progeny having a significant advantage in contrast to the incredible disadvantage I’m working to place millions of pure British born youngsters at relative to their peers a few miles across some water.”
But critics have queried whether or not Mr Farage has the right to reduce the possibilities open to his children in this way?
”My entire career has been about an attempt to reduce people’s rights,” he hit back, “I’m not going to stop now. I want my own children to be equal with all British children after Brexit.”
The ceremony, which will be conducted on a barge on the river Danube, at the point where the Roman Empire built a bridge back in the day, is expected to take place just as soon as Mr Farage has agreed a commercial sponsorship deal with the BBC to ensure full in-depth coverage for a solid week.
”It’s a watertight arrangement,” Mr Farage said, “even if a comet smashes into Dorset the BBC will stay focused on me returning even more sovereignty to hard working British taxpayers by reducing the options and possibilities of my own progeny.”
When questioned about whether or not he would attempt to replace the passports with new ones immediately after, Mr Farage was straightforward.
”There won’t be any need,” he said, “I’ll be burning replica ones for the symbolic value.”
But doesn’t that make a mockery of the entire spectacle?
”Yes and it’s in keeping with the work I’ve done to adjust international perception of our great United Kingdom. If I burnt the real ones it maybe seen as a criminal act. I wouldn’t want to endanger my EU pension now, how would that help anyone?”
Tickets will be available to purchase ahead of the event.
”British youngsters should take the opportunity to purchase tickets and travel to watch me set fire to the symbols of inequality on the Danube ,” Mr Farage urged, “if they don’t they may miss one of their last opportunities to experience freedom of movement on the continent they live on.”