Great news today for people who like to tell it as it is with the announcement that London’s newest and tallest landmark, The Shard, is to be renamed ‘the shaft’ to honour the current Westminster parliament.
“We think a lowercase s is important to not draw attention to how deep the actually shafting is,” Michael Gove told LCD Views, “although personally I feel the building maybe a little on the short side for what we’re up to.”
The renaming ceremony is planned for the minute the United Kingdom regains the sovereignty it never lost in order to lose all the things it currently has.
“I am personally lobbying for Her Majesty to base jump off the top of the shaft at the moment of Brexit,” Michael said, “it would be the best way to atone for that hat she wore to open parliament last year.”
Tickets for the event will go on sale shortly.
“You’ll have to set up a series of shell companies and funnel the ticket money through various overseas territories and tax havens,” he added, “it’ll all be perfectly legal.”
Tickets will be gold plated and include an exciting interactive feature.
“Right now we have a crack IT team developing the software to include a hologram of Robert Kilroy Silk on each golden ticket. At the moment of Brexit you need to trigger your hologram by saying ‘shaft me’ to it.”
At that point the hologram of the famous, pioneer of television will spin up out of the ticket and pose a question,
“To share or to shaft?” Michael giggled, “if you’re backing Brexit there’s really only one answer.”