The government has moved swiftly to profit from the chorus of celebration over their decision to take hot school lunches away from a vast number of children whose parents are too lazy to feed them.
“We will be replacing the hot meals with a copy of the bible,” a spokesman for the vicar’s daughter told LCD Views, “We’ve outlined all of the Old Testament in bold, so the children will get the message. And if they don’t we will beat them about the head with the books until they do. Metaphorically of course. We won’t be bringing back corporal or capital punishment until after Brexit.”
It’s hoped with this open handed act the hungry children will fill themselves up with thoughts and prayers.
“Only by following the example of their elected representatives in such matters as want and fasting can underprivileged children in England hope to better themselves,” the spokesman said, “if they don’t study hard and better themselves they’ll end up as the sort of lost causes their parents clearly are, if you are paying attention to our caring conservative agenda.”
We wanted to find out how the children themselves will take the swapping of a hot meal, perhaps the only one they would have gotten that day, with a big book full of old fashioned words, and lessons Theresa May and Arlene Foster ignore when it suits them for base political reasons.
“What are the recipes like?” Artful Dodger, 10, London, asked.
It’s not a cookbook, we informed him, it’s a book that will teach you how to avoid the pitfalls of decadence and sin that your parents have fallen prey to.
“Oh, but how will I study properly if I am too hungry to concentrate properly?”
We will pass that question along to the two good christians who have stitched up this penny pinching deal to satisfy their party first politics and questionable sense of duty to the less fortunate.