Theresa May is to build on her party’s general election success last year by calling a snap GE, to lose more MPs so she can finally quit as prime minister.
”She’s fed up with waiting about looking a complete and utter plank,” Damien Green MP told LCD Views over breakfast at the Ritz.
”She fully expected to have been able to hand Brexit to Johnson and/or Gove by now.
She’s read out every inane and self-contradicting statement they ask of her. But still she’s the one holding the Brexit can. It wasn’t the deal.
Rees-mogg could be leader if he wants. Theresa isn’t bothered, if our party is as insane as everyone suspects and goes for it.
But no one will actually put the knife in. People just keep waving daggers about and shouting. Bunch of pussies. She’s fed up.”
It appears the prime minister is further encouraged to call a snap GE by the endless run of lost council seats in by-elections.
”We just keep getting panned. The Libdems are getting 40-50% swings in a lot of by-elections.
This explains the extraordinary denigration reserved by Momentum activists for anyone they suspect of not backing Saint Jezza online. Don’t question Jezza and Brexit, unless you’ve already turned off your twitter notifications.”
But how many seats would May need to lose to get out of office?
”Her own would be the jackpot!” Damien hooted, “failing that? Twenty to thirty would be brilliant. But ending in a dead heat with Labour is the real risk.”
Why’s that?
”Those trots ruining Labour don’t want government. They’re enjoying the perks of being the official opposition for eternity.
You can’t tell me they couldn’t have pushed the whole rotten Tory cabal out of office by now by merely half heartedly opposing Brexit. Not voting through article 50 before any preparation was done would have nailed it. But they seized the chance of the endless struggle.”
What are you really saying?
“Jeremy Corbyn doesn’t want to be prime minister. He’s an old man. He wants to be a figurehead and sail about kissing hands.”
So the risk is what exactly?
”Labour will refuse to govern as a coalition. And we’ll be stuck holding the wrong end of the stick until we burst into flames and burn the country to the ground.”
Call it then!
”We will. Just as soon as we’ve worked out the catchphrase and worked up a new policy as sufficiently barmy as the dementia tax. That was a stroke of genius. It almost nailed the last defeat to the floor for us.”