Great news today from the world of financial hygiene with the discovery that Brexit instantly dissolves money and jobs on contact.
“It’s important to get the nature of Brexit nailed down in the lab before we start live field tests,” chief scientist Professor David Davis told LCD Views, “if we release a serum like this into the population, claiming it is a cure all for whatever you suffer from, we need to know what it will do to people and the wider environment.”
The care being taken to test Brexit fully before it is used will reassure many, especially some quisling critics who seem determined to undermine the release of this exciting new way to clean out jobs and money, which are just crowding out all the sense of fun and peril in the UK.
“Don’t listen to the doubters,” Professor Davis advises, “when has Britain ever failed at anything ever in recent years? We’re not about to start now.
We’ve already solved homelessness with a serum that makes it more popular to be suspicious than to enquire.
We’ve dealt with aspirations about home ownership by opening up the bedrooms of parents to people who had already moved out of home, they can just move back in and have a roof over their head. All they have to do then is wait to inherit whatever is left of their parent’s estate after care costs.
It’s clear the water utility shareholders have thrived since privatisation. Just look at all the wonderful wellsprings about the country today?
Why should Brexit be any different?”
Brexit is expected to be on the shelves shortly. If you’re feeling overwhelmed at work and don’t like your boss, if you’re worried about your mortgage repayments with rising costs of living in general?
“Don’t worry,” Professor Davis says, “Brexit will wash any employment and financial concerns you have right away! Instantly and on contact.”