A varied collection of gut bacteria have broken their traditional silence today to complain about comparisons to the jailed leaders of Britain First.
“We have had enough of this,” Firmicutes announced, at a press conference held inside the intestine of a middle aged lady, “we get these comparisons between ourselves and Britain First every time those racist, knuckle draggering shitbunglers break into the news for whatever wannabe fascist stunt they’ve pulled now. It’s not fair. We won’t stand for it anymore.”
Firmicutes wasn’t alone. Minutes after it made the statement, it was joined by Actinobacteria, talking while helping digest a poached egg in the gut of a child of eight.
“Do you acknowledge the good I do? I’m at work right now in a child’s gut helping turn the breakfast it was prepared into energy so it can get through to lunch and all I read on social media is people calling me names? This stops now!”
Ruminoccocus, Peptococcus and others joined the call just as readily in what has been described by people making the comparisons, food for thought.
LCD Views has recently been guilty ourselves of such provocative statements directed at the unicellular success stories of the evolutionary struggle and we would like to make a fulsome and hearty apology. Bacteria may have less cells but they are clearly more evolved than any member of Britain First.
Furthermore we promise to find more fitting analogies in the future.
“Compare them to poo,” Bifidobacterium suggested, before adding, “and while you are at it can I please have a new name that doesn’t include bloody ‘bifi’ in the handle?
If I get called ‘biffer’ by a lab technician one more time you can damn well deal with this bit of left over steak stuck in a fold of intestine yourself.”
We will pass the suggestion along to the relevant authorities, thank you for your time and efforts on the behalf of humanity. At least we can all smile at the knowledge Jayda and Paul will be in single cells for a spell.
“No problem. Now chuck another cup of coffee down, will you? I’m parched.”