The Daily Mail expressed its fury at the forecast of British civilisation ending ice-sharknadoes this weekend, as it wanted to blame the EU for it.
Paul Dacre was reported locked in an editorial meeting with Satan and several other sub-editors including Vlad the Inhaler and Gary Bar-low, as they attempted to compose a headline to so malign the ice-sharknadoes as to render them impotent and give Junker the time he needs.
“It’s not looking good for Paul,” an insider told LCD Views, “he’s broken every stick of furnishing in his office and now he’s rampaging about the floor setting fire to things at random.”
It’s feared that if they can’t come up with a powerful enough idiotic headline to stop the ice-sharknadoes from tearing the country to shreds, then Dacre’s lifelong mission to stoke up sufficient hatred and division to tear the country apart, and blame it on the EU, will have failed.
“You’ve really got to feel for him,” the insider said, “the years, think of all the years he’s dedicated to vilification, denigration, mistruths about immigrants and Europe and now to have a freak weather event snatch victory from his hands when he’s so close?”
It’s believed the suspicion that climate change maybe a driving force behind the swirling shark winds and razor sharp ice particles, which can tear down buildings in minutes and strip the flesh from a true British potatriot’s bones in seconds, is only adding to poor Paul’s upset.
“If only the treasonous ice-sharknadoes had waited to invade our country in the winter of 2019/2020 it would have been okay,” the insider added, “the economic chaos of Brexit may well have been harnessed to trigger civil war and Dacre could have watched the country torn to pieces feeling really warm inside.”