Baking enthusiasts have reason to rise with a smile today with the latest polling of U.K. voting intentions giving a clear lead to Cake.
While a growing force in mainland British politics over the last few years, the last polls by NoGov have taken all the usual pundits by surprise.
”We just did not see it coming,” John Marr-Neil told LCD Views, “admittedly pundits with markedly strong left and right leaning biases have been promoting Cake in all their articles since mid 2016, but still, it’s a doozy.”
Not being able to find our electoral analyst in the office we phoned her up.
”What do you want?” Rosie S snapped down the line.
”It took you an age to answer. If you’ve ducked out to the shops and aren’t bringing me back a flat white chai decaf latte espresso I’m going to be a bit frosty,” the chief quipped.
”It’s my day off. What. Do. You. Want?”
”News cycles do not rest.”
Silence. Just silence. Except for the sound of a woman attempting to stop a toddler eat cake out of an ashtray.
”Rosie? Are you there?”
”I’ve just seen my three year old tear over to a stranger’s table and mix a triple chocolate muffin into an ashtray and try and eat it. It happened because I’m on the phone on my day off.”
That sounded positively strident.
”We just want to know what you think about Cake taking what appears to be an insurmountable lead in the polls?”
”Hardly surprising. Most prominent politicians, bar a few noteworthy exceptions, are pushing cakeism as a viable alternative.
Single market and customs union access after Brexit? Answer Cake.
Maintaining trade and no risk of paramilitary activity in Northern Ireland after Brexit? They can have cake too.
Worried about the loss of over 750 international agreements on Brexit day? Cake. Mate. Have some cake.”
Okay. I think we’re holding this in both hands.
”Don’t drop it. I’m not baking another.” Rosie advises, more coolly.
”How can you hear my thoughts?”
”If you think I’m real sunshine, you better lay off the cake.”
Who will you vote for next time? An overegged sponge or a bag of 200 year old ships biscuits?
Yummy choices indeed. Cake. Have it and eat it today. Or tomorrow. It doesn’t look like going stale in a hurry.