Lord Haw Haw was dug up, resurrected and made an actual lord by order of the prime minister in this year’s new year honours.
Also listed was every serving conservative MP who doesn’t already have a gong, mostly for services to buying a majority with a bung, and for making Rupert Murdoch happy.
“Lord Haw Haw is one of Britain’s most famous broadcasters,” a spokesman for Downing Street informed a surprised country this morning, “in many ways he could be said to be a forerunner for the patriotic thinkers behind Brexit.”
It’s not certain where exactly Lord Haw Haw’s peerage will be seated, there is even a rumour circulating that he will have to wait until after Brexit has been successfully enacted to find out.
“It would be best if he was Lord Haw Haw of somewhere or other in the Kingdom of Brexit, or Brexitannia, we’re still working out the finer details in excruciating detail.”
Pressure is also growing for the new peer to be made director of political programming for the BBC.
“The BBC really let the side down today by reporting what Lord Adonis said about Brexit in his resignation letter.
They’ve been doing much better since they started to fear Conservative government attacks on their funding.
As a result of this it’s thought a new director who more fully understands that there is right thought about Brexit and only right thought would be preferable.
This will help unite the country as we move forward to embrace the exciting opportunities presented by the overwhelming decision of the people of the United Kingdom to leave their sanity and parliamentary democracy behind on the 23rd of June 2016.
Even though the referendum was only advisory and an actual representative parliament would do the job of exploring the advice to test its worth before potentially destroying the economy and our international reputation and civil society and NHS in the service of disaster capitalists. Many of whom are Tory MPs.
What the Lexit mob are up to, no one is really sure, except that Jeremy has a very clear position on Brexit. He just keeps it secret.”
Lord Haw Haw is expected to broadcast a speech later this afternoon from across the channel. Well, assuming they can get his jaw to stay on.
He will explain how the European Union is an undemocratic tyranny which is economically failing and will soon be conquered by Nigel Farage jumping off Brighton Pier holding a bunch of bent British bananas. These will be genetically modified to be the colour of Saint George flags.
“We would like to reassure Nigel too, he will be knighted sooner or later.
Presumably once we’ve successfully put all the sewerage back onto our beaches that membership of the EU forced us to clean off.”
All patriots are instructed to sit next to their wirelesses this afternoon to hear Lord Haw Haw’s maiden speech, it begins,
“The nation has united behind Brexit.”
It just won’t say which of the four nations that nation is.