Wonderful news for confused millennials today with the announcement that graduates from the University of Life are going to be assigned to explain how great England was, before membership of the European Union ruined it.
”The discussions will be patient at first,” Michael Gove told LCD Views’ Sunday morning digest, “but for millennials who are unconvinced by the hazy and selective recollections of their betters, strident phrases maybe required.”
The people had a vote is clearly top draw, mostly for how little sense it makes in the context of democracies, as that’s what they do, and then do again when circumstances change.
”If young people are that bothered they should have voted, even if they couldn’t, this will also have to be explained repeatedly,” Michael added, “but surely mentioning the sense of community encouraged by lack ought to do it.”
To deepen the impact of the discussions, they will be held in local pubs festooned with Saint George flags, and if possible establishments that go silent when someone presumed to be foreign enters.
But what if the strategy falls flat?
”Rest assures we’re not launching a lead balloon off the Dover cliffs,” Mr Gove soothed, “how can having a pensioner who received free university education at a time of liberating social forces and when houses cost a pound not have a misguided millennial hankering to go back in time too?”
But you must hVe developed a contingency plan for those thick younger voters who nostalgia just can not educate?
”Don’t make me laugh! Contingency planning? This shower of a government? Ha!
If they fail at the University of Life they’ll be enrolled in the school of hard knocks, where they should have been anyway, instead of pouncing about the continent with the wrong coloured passports”
If you are in need of reminding how great England was before the EU ruined everything with greater rights and freedoms, get ready, the time machine is coming to save you and it will deploy phrases that are both tired and tested.