LCD Views

THERE WILL BE ADEQUATE FOOD : Great news for people hungry to eat sovereignty today with fresh orders from 10 Downing Street to the UK’s food retailers.

Lately social media accounts in the U.K. are filling up with gloating remoaners boasting about how their push for a confirmatory vote has disrupted food supply chains. Downing Street is hitting back!

The hit back is in the form of a directive to the big supermarkets, Tesco, Sainsbury’s, that one the Americans want to asset strip and others to do their “patriotic part to help ensure the success of Brexit”.

Specifically the supermarkets are to be put on a “war footing” and activate Operation Minced Meat.

The secret plan involves the concealment of empty supermarket shelves so “the French and Germans don’t think they can invade us”.

Clearly the threat of invasion is ever present, ever since everyone in Europe agreed it was a horrible idea and committed to working together for peace.

“That was until the Brexiters and Lexiters got a hold of the UK’s reigns of power. Now we need to move swiftly before we’re carpet bombed with croissants and bratwurst to lure U.K. citizens away.”

From midnight Sunday all supermarkets will be required by law to conceal the lack of food. This will be done by removing empty shelves.

“This way shoppers will only see shelves full of produce. Wherever you look there will be adequate food. Additionally the extra room created in the stores will help with social distancing.”

Although Operation Minced Meat is to be triggered for the first time post Brexit, it does follow on from the trials of Operation Food Foto which have been “creating a beach head to baffle the public”.

All Britons can do their part to ensure the successful removal of food from shelves, and then shelves, by joining in the mass U.K. measles party that is currently ongoing thanks to the sociopathic insanity, and inability to understand basic infectious disease control at the heart of government. If you catch it you stay home and you don’t see what’s happening. Brilliant.

SIX OF ONE HALF DOZEN OF THE OTHER : THE ENGLISH PRIME MINISTER Boris Johnson is said to be “betwixt” camps today regarding the final of the Euro 2020 football competition on Sunday.

Many naively assume the Prime Minister will support the home team, but doing the obvious thing for the benefit of the United Kingdom, and its constituent nations, isn’t necessarily his guiding principle. Just look at Brexit!

“We all think it’s hilarious you think he has any guiding principle at all,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views.

“The PM is having UK Gov run the focus groups now. If it turns out that the culture war being waged by the hard right in the UK has actually turned people off supporting England in sufficient numbers for the final, well, he may have to support Italy. He’s having an Italian team shirt made up at the moment, just as a contingency. If he comes out with a shirt with X on the back, you know he’s decided that’s where his short term political gain lies.”

Those hoping the Prime Minister will support England are of course very few in number, even in England. This is largely explained by his cynical refusal to support the team over the issuing of taking a stand against racism, and taking a knee for equality.

“The England team may have inadvertently done him a favour,” the source comments. “They’re all such smashing lads who play in a great spirit and deal with the right wing rentagobshite nonsense with dignity. Not to mention old Southgate, always one of the PM’s favourite cricketers. It’s made pivoting away from emboldening the racists to backing the England team easier than anyone expected.”

But even if the PM does come out in an England shirt for kick off, don’t think he’ll automatically stay in it all game.

“If the Italians are leading at half time it’s likely Johnson will swap shirts for the second half. But that’s not because he’s a cynical opportunist who cares only to harness popular feeling to his own selfish benefit and will switch positions in a heart beat if he senses the wind has changed direction.”

I FEEL THE NEED : Downing Street is pulling out all stops to combat the shortage of HGV drivers in the UK, before the inevitable food riots bring down the regime. All stops that is except reversing the damaging immigration law changes that exacerbated the crisis.

The latest wheeze takes its inspiration from WW2, which everyone knows is the only historical time period of any importance whatsoever for Brexit Britain.

“Britain’s tireless fleet of truck drivers will now be supplied with uppers to keep them going through the long hours of the night,” Transport Secretary Sebastian Fox (allegedly aka Grant Shapps) told LCD Views. “The decision to dope them to the eyeballs came after my colleague Mr Gove said he could hook me up with as much as I need. He assures me it’s all good quality gear, no nose garbage, and just to wait for the call.”

It’s not entirely clear how the amphetamines will get into the UK though with Priti Patel waging war on smugglers. Although suspicions are that the sizeable shipments of the required narcotics may well come in via “diplomatic parcels”.

What hauliers think about the plans to both abolish the safety directives which limit driving time, and now drug their red eyed drivers to the eyeballs, isn’t yet clear.

“We wouldn’t listen to them even if they told us,” Mr Shapps commented. “This is how we got Brexit done. By ignoring all the experts. Now, run along and photograph the empty fruit and veg aisles in your local supermarket.”