Britain is leading the world once again. Freedom from the EU releases funds to invest in R&D. The principal subject for development is a versatile and efficient circular device, codenamed “The Round Thing”.
Designers have already been hard at work on this project. Much thought has been given to funky shapes and vibrant colours.
“It’s all a bit sixties, man,” droned Round Thing developer Axel Turner. “But you know, what goes around comes around, and it’s my turn now.”
Elsewhere, senior managers were justifying their enormous salaries by producing hundreds of PowerPoint slides. These demonstrate, in great detail, why the new Round Thing is superior to the bog-standard EU version.
“We are free to place the hub of the Round Thing wherever we choose,” explained Turner. “EU restrictions insist upon a central hub and a perfectly circular edge. Some of our more radical designs include corners. It’s a completely new spin on traditional Round Things.”
The implications are massive. EU standard Round Things are currently included in virtually all machinery. “The EU is going to have to incorporate the new Round Things in their products, or risk losing our business!” predicts Turner elliptically.
“The new British standard Round Things will be incorporated into the curriculum,” declared education minister Cain Thelottathem. “Non-Euclidean geometry will be a requirement in primary schools, and compasses and protractors will be abolished.”
This is good news for manufacturers of square plates, and heralds the return of seventies icon, the Austin Allegro.
Some have raised objections, pointing out that the circular objects currently in use work perfectly well, and can’t understand why the country should want to spend so much on an inferior product.
“That’s just project fear,” claimed Turner. “These people fail to realise what considerable upsides there are in supporting true British eccentricity.”
Eccentric, like the motion of the new Round Things. It’s almost like reinventing the wheel.