We’ve all seen illiterate racists misspelling “Sharia Law” as “Shania Law” but now it could soon become an actual thing, as singer Shania Twain has announced her engagement to actor Jude Law.
The couple broke the news last night, which came as a surprise to everybody as nobody knew they were even dating – not even Twain’s husband. Ms Twain however was quick to reassure everyone that she has no plans of being unfaithful.
“We are not breaking up our marriage,” Ms Twain said categorically. “Frederic’s ex-wife cheated with my ex-husband, that’s why they’re both exes, and we came together through that shared bond. I have no plans to abandon Frederic. We’re getting a temporary divorce just to make it legal, and I’m going to remarry him as soon as this is over, but it’s important that I marry Jude even if only temporarily, and Frederic is 100% behind me on this.”
Her husband has confirmed this, calling it “a marriage of inconvenience”.
When asked why she was marrying Mr Law if it was only going to be divorcing him at a later date anyway and remarrying her current husband, she explained:
“There are so many idiots out there who use my name by mistake in their Islamophobic rants. So it’s time to press their buttons and see how they copewith the reality of Shania Law.”
Mr Law had the following to say on the matter:
“Racists always say Shania Law or Shakira Law so I thought let’s make one or other a reality. I decided on Shania because it’s closer to the word they mean, and used by the genuine idiots, while Shakira is used more by people who are taking the piss out of racists. I have no long-term family plans involving either of these women. But anyway I approached Shania and said shall we give it a go and she said OK, so we’re doing it.”
To ensure maximum outrage among racists, the wedding is set for next Eid. We predict that won’t impress them much. Rumours that Shakira has been asked to sing “Don’t Bother” at the ceremony are as yet unconfirmed.
We wish the happy couple success in their venture, which they have both confirmed is not a lifetime together, but showing up racists for the idiots that they are.