LCD Views brings you an exclusive interview today with world famous cartographer and professor of imaginary geography, Professor Barrow Gopher.
The interview took place in the basement map room made famous by the 2016 BBC Channel 3 science special, “Map means map”.
”Did you know this building used to be a Wetherspoons?” Professor Gopher begins the interview, with a question, underlining his reputation as an unconventional quack.
We didn’t. How did it come to be your internationally regarded (with suspicion, mostly) geographical laboratory?
”Easy. I took a Labradoodle, that is a drawing of a dog done in a whimsical style, and I put it into a blender with a Tory. The resulting mess is my lab.”
And that was enough to convince Tim Martin to sell out?
”Oh, pure personal greed and a skewed sense of personally divinity did that. But these premises were the site of the last Wetherspoons pub, when they went into administration in 2022 and no one would buy the chain”
Or the load of balls attached to it?
”Indeed, but please don’t interrupt me when I’m giving you a pearl of wisdom or I’ll terminate the interview.”
Touchy!
We’re sorry. Please tell our ginormous international audience about your most recent discovery?
”Well, you would have heard about the weird little island Spanish and French fishing crews have reported sighting off the coast of France and the Netherlands?”
Who hasn’t? It’s rumoured to smell very strongly of xenophobic horseshit and to be sinking at a rate so fast even rising sea levels can’t account for it.”
”It’s the U.K.”
Are you sure? Please be mindful that the age of experts is over.
”And the age of idiots has begun.”
It certainly seems so. But how can you prove this assertion?
”Merely by opening any window and smelling what’s outside.”
Professor Barrow thank you for your time.
I prefer to be called Cart. You’re welcome. Pick up a beer mat on your way out. There collectors items you know [they’re*].