News is breaking all over the place, and perhaps irreparably today, that a mass order of dummies is heading for Westminster to help pacify MPs.
”The House of Commons is in a right state,” HoC crèche supervisor, Mrs Mollify told LCD Views exclusively, “I do hope the dummies are red, white and blue. The ToryKip and RedKip members will spit them immediately if they aren’t.”
The reason for the emergency bulk order is the release of the fudge Withdrawal Deal stitched up between Ms May and the EU.
”The EU have put up with the tantrums, bullying and lying for a long time. They just want our load of full diaper screeching big toddlers out the door now,” Mrs Mollify said, “and I can hardly blame them. A more entitled bunch of little shits I’ve not had to care for in all my days at the mother of parliaments. It really does make you wonder about the indulgent nature of modern parenting. Bit of strap would see a lot of them right. Although, considering the Tory ones, that’s probably just what they like! It would only encourage them!”
Whether or not the mass of dummies will pacify the MPs is anyone’s guess though.
”It might shut them up for a few minutes at least,” Mrs Mollify observes, “well, at least until they realise getting what you’ve been kicking off for isn’t guaranteed to make you happy when you see what the 27 other kids without a Withdrawal agreement, but with certainty over current and future trading circumstances, and rights for citizens, have. That’s when the foot stamping will really get going.”
Do you have any advice for the Brexit kids on the day they’re getting what they want?
”Be careful what you wish for,” Mrs Mollify advises, “you may just get it and it may not be what you really wanted after all.”
It sounds like the pacifiers aren’t the only load of dummies at Westminster.