Her Majesty’s Insane Government has issued further advice today for British citizens to follow ahead of the expected No Deal Brexit (that’s always been the goal of Brexit), which it is hoped will be the result by default of the cack-handed negotiating strategy of the current British government.
“Summer holidays,” Dominic Raab, DExEU Secretary, told a packed meeting of the Royal Seasonal Affective Disorder Society, “Brits who suffer from a lack of vitamin D, which means all Brits, need to begin stockpiling holidays on the Costa del Sol ahead of Brexit,
“Or France if you like, the south of France?
“I hear some people go there. Or Tuscany, which is on the Portuguese coast, it’s lovely this time of year. Wherever you fancy really. Just do it now because it’s not certain you’ll be able to travel to Benidorm as easily as now, next year, unless you’re a sociopathic asset stripper who’s already bought himself an EU27 burgundy passport as a contingency against Brexit.”
The advice itself was given a lukewarm reception by the English Tourist Agency, which specialises in holidays at home.
“What’s so bad with a little bloody rain?” Malcolm Kipper, spokesman for the Agency asked, “we’re building in extra capacity all over England for the boom in tourism once nobody can afford to leave home. Except we aren’t stockpiling lounge chairs and towels of course. You don’t see people fighting over a spot by the pool in England! Ha! Leave that nonsense to somewhere with sun.”
Asked to comment on the feasibility of the government’s advice, given that a holiday is an experience that can only be retained via memory and sometimes triggered by seeing a souvenir, a Labour spokesman had this to say,
“Labour will negotiate better staycations after Brexit,” Mr Fence Post MP (Splinter in Ass) said, “you’ll have the choice of either “a” collectivised farm or volunteering to hand out literature to inmates at “a” re-education facility for people who undermine the leader. The memories will easily last you the rest of your lifetime.”