Fake knews broadcaster C4 is to be charged with the knew crime of “betraying the will off the people” after deliberately revealing the will of the people live on a little C4 chat show last night.
”Of course it doesn’t matter what the people now think,” Barry Gardiner MP, UKIP, told LCD Views, “the people decided what their will was a few years back and it doesn’t matter if their will has dramatically altered because we’re determined to assist Theresa May’s (MP – UKIP) government implement the will of the people from when it was fixed in stone by a thunderbolt from God.”
The shock revelation of the change in attitude of the people of the U.K. doesn’t matter because it wasn’t assessed in the right way.
”Was there mass data crime in the latest Survation poll of 20,000 people? Well above the 5,000 required for scientific rigour? Was there undue foreign influence? Was there millions funnelled into the campaign from shadowy overseas backers determined to see the break up of the EU for their own kleptoimperialist motives?”
Apparrently not, it was a poll conducted in the Standard manner without the above.
”Then it doesn’t count. Not that campaigns influence people’s decisions anyway. Just ask my boss John McDonnell (MP – UKIP) or our trumpeter Owen Jones (MP – UKIP). Crime should pay. Especially if you’re fantasising about taking government with Henry VIIi powers in the midst of economic calamity and want to bring everything conceivable under total state control. For the many you understand. C4 shouldn’t be standing in the way of the people by revealing what they think based on several yearsnew evidence.”
And Mr Gardiner (MP – UKIP) wasn’t alone in his frank assessment of C4’s betrayal of the people.
”I’m changing the law today, with Henry VIII powers,” David Gauke (MP – UKIP) phoned in especially to tell us, “it was nice of parliament to vote through the EU Withdrawal Bill and make itself irrelevant. Slackers. Ha!”
But betraying the will of the people by revealing the will of the people becoming criminalised isn’t the only change coming in immediately, thanks to Henry VIII powers.
”We’ll also probably be making mass, secretive foreign donations to U.K. political campaigns entirely legal,” the minister (UKIP) clarified, “that way people who buy influence in our once great democratic institutions can be sure of getting what they wanted. Oh, and the change will be retrospective, just in case any of my colleagues find themselves in the shit as little Banksi gets hung out to dry.”