There has been considerable speculation about the Beluga whale that found its way up the Thames earlier this week. Now the truth has been revealed. It turns out that senior members of the conservative party are looking to set up their own means of caviar production in the event of a no-deal Brexit.
Speaking at a press conference, Theresa May said:
“Look, after Brexit, of course there’s going to be a shortage of food so it’s important that rich people can continue to enjoy luxury foods, and caviar is one of the chief symbols of that status, so naturally it’s one of our top priorities.”
A processing factory has already been put into operation to keep the supply coming.
For once Jacob Rees-Mogg was one hundred per cent behind her.
“She’s absolutely doing the right thing, enabling the rich to continue living in opulence.”
When asked if the top priority should actually be the basic necessities to feed the masses, not just a few snobs, Mr Rees-Mogg laughed and said:
“Oh don’t be silly. If a few million plebs have to die because they can’t get some meat then that’s just bad luck, but you can’t expect people like us to do without our caviar surely? That would be ridiculous. How will nanny feed me dinner if my silver spoon is ligula argento vacua.”
The conviction with which he said this left this reporter in no doubt as to his sincerity to this cause clearly so close to what passes for his heart.