Labour were on the cliff edge of taking a commanding polling lead over both their Brexit policy partners, the Conservatives, and front runner Don’t Know, today after John McDonnell promised the centre and swing voters that a Labour government will smash the ship of state into a red instead of a blue iceberg.
”It’s leadership,” A Labour-Voter told LCD Views, “to know that even a radically different government on the surface would still lead to the fulfilment of UKIP’s only policy ever is giving me the shits. I mean, makes me tingle all over and know I can’t fart for fear of soiling myself.”
The refusal to take a fundamentally different stance on Brexit to May’s government by Labour is clearly exceptionally clever. Especially as anyone paying attention knows the six tests are nonsense and Labour still wants to end FOM, take that millions of ordinary working people who’s lives have been in limbo for years as the U.K. has a breakdown and makes them pay for it.
”It means voters will have no idea who the hell to vote for, in terms of Labour and Conservatives, if they don’t want the country to continue along a clearly horrific policy path decided by an opinion poll a few years back riddled with proven criminality and false promises,” the voter went on, “we may get a government hung like a bull if we have a snap election. And that will be a lot of jizz all over the electorate from Westminster.”
It also means that constructive ambiguity continues to serve Labour well if they never want to take over the Conservatives in the polls.
”Not offering a choice and just attacking the government’s handling of a policy that seems certain to impoverish and dismantle the union of the United Kingdom ensures Corbyn and McDonnell never actually have to govern. It’s pretty much the fulfillment of all those decades as paid up backbench MPs getting nothing done legislatively. I’m impressed. They can’t start their own victim narrative too, when the Tories edge them in the coming snap GE. You know when Boris becomes a remainer. It’s those bloody remainers, not enough of them believed a red iceberg was worth hitting.”
We did ask the man in waiting himself, McDonnell for comment, but he was busy remembering the time he flung the little red book across the Commons.
So we’ll imagine his comment instead,
”We need the Tories to break the eggs for us and then no one will blame us when the entire country turns into an omelette.”
Get your fork and plate and get in line. Just wait. And keep waiting. In line. Comrades. Both main parties have the country’s best interests in mind.