Fantastic news today with the announcement from Downing Street that PM for everyone, Theresa May, has used the Henry VIII powers gifted in the EU Withdrawal Bill to change voting legislation.
”This will ensure that the right outcome is achieved in any vote held tomorrow, the day after that, or when everyone not a predatory hedge fund owner is scrabbling over the last rat after Brexit,” Steve Baker MP (Abuse-on-Parliament) made the announcement on the executive’s behalf, presumably because IDS and other ERG members have Theresa May tied to a chair in a basement somewhere.
Full details of the law change, nicknamed The Great Lazarus Bill, are not being made public, but key points are so people can re-draft their wills today for tomorrow.
”Say you’re worried about traitorous remainiac EU nationalists turning eighteen and undoing your decision to leave the tyrannical EU superstate,” Mr Baker went on, while strangling a puppy in his pocket, “well simple, just bequeath your vote to the Conservatives. Or better still, leave it to the ERG.”
The change is to be trialled initially and limited to Tory donors, but with a comprehensive roll out in time.
”We all know the membership of the Conservative Party is withering on the vine,” Mr Baker shrugged, “and that soon the only people left will be Tory MPs and UKIP entryists acting under orders from Steve Bannon. Oh, and about half a dozen currency traders who are shorting the pound,
”This may make winning either the likely People’s Vote, or a shock GE before March 29th 2019 harder, but not now that people can leave us their vote to ensure the will of the people never dies,
“Once this new voting system has been proved to our satisfaction we may even make it retrospective, so leave voters who have since passed can have their last vote re-cast to ensure the will of the people sees no obstacle in changing circumstances, new information, emerging proof of criminality, or even death.”
Questioned how the law change would benefit UK democracy, Mr Baker just smiled, strangled another puppy and stated, “The dead can’t change their minds.”