The Royal Society of Mapmakers and Astrology was said to be on the receiving end of a furious call from Downing Street today after prime minister Theresa May received advance copies of the new 2020 map of the United Kingdom.
”She rang them personally,” an aide to the embattled, and dumbfounded prime minister told LCD Views, “although the number was engaged so she had to wait until after the wedding to get through.”
It seems the new maps, which are sent to Downing Street for approval prior to being shipped about the globe by tall ship, as is convention dating from the 16th century, display a United Kingdom significantly changed from the current map.
”Of course it’s not the cartographer’s fault,” the aide commented, “they don’t decide the policy of any particular Downing Street resident, they just reflect it,
”They didn’t decide to create a policy environment so toxic, so shorn of economic literacy and competence that first Scotland and then Northern Ireland, Wales, Cornwall and the Greater London Free Republic decided it was better to sail into the unchartered waters of independence than stick about to be ruled by electoral map rigging Tories and tax exiles forever.”
So you are prepared to go on record and absolve the mapmaker of blame?
”I wouldn’t go that far. Privately it’s a shambles that can be laid squarely at the door of David Cameron and the individual stupid enough to succeed him at number 10.”
But publicly?
”That’s obvious,” the aide smiled, “It’s the fault of the remoaners on social media for not getting behind Brexit.”