Great news for people worried about the complete and total slaughter of manufacturing and service sectors in the U.K. as a result of Brexit today with the announcement that Star Trek character Khan Noonien Singh is to take over from Raab as Brexit talks reach the final stage.
”It’s clear now Dominic isn’t up to the job,” retired intellectual David Davis MP told LCD Views, “this is personally a surprise. I carefully laid a negotiating strategy based on sound military principles, learned during my time as a winter soldier, and had the EU pretty much beat when I graciously stepped down to allow a rookie the glory. But it’s all gone a bit Pete Tong since, to everyone’s surprise.”
To rectify the calamity that has only begun since General Davis moved to the side, a fictional science fiction super villain is believed the right measure.
”With Khan’s superior genetics and can do attitude, we’ll soon see the terrified fear back in Admiral Barnier’s eyes. You know, like the way he used to look at me when I once or twice turned up in Brussels and challenged him to get shit faced and a lap dance and agree Brexit over a handshake like proper old boys.”
Once Khan has successfully outmanoeuvred Barnier it’ll be easy for the mighty British fleet to capture the Genesis device.
”Khan will then take the Genesis device to the north east of England and trigger it in an abandoned auto manufacturing plant. This will lead to a dramatic rebirth and increase in both the size the British empire and traditional industries of tomorrow like coal mining and naan bread exports.”
Asked for comment on the appointment of Khan the EU delegation seemed non-plussed and said they would hold a special screening of all seven seasons of the ‘Love Boat’ to make him feel at home, while simultaneously inviting the relocation of the UK’s financial services sector to Frankfurt.
”Live long and prosper,” Barnier added, before smirking and asking, “make it so.”