The United Kingdom seems set for a winner takes all autumn general election today after a selfless Tory statesman was photographed with combed hair.
”It’s deeply questionable whether or not the U.K. would benefit from a general election right now,” Professor Know One, reader of politics at Thames Airport Estuary University, told us.
We interviewed Know One while waiting for the big, blue ribbon to be cut to open the new Garden Bridge in Central London, brainchild of the statesman who’s found a comb.
“Theresa May has steered a steady course since being elected on a strong and stable platform last year,” the professor went on, “with the successful Brexit negotiations looking likely to produce a slam dunk for the highly professional British negotiators, who have singlejandedly proven that being British is enough to overpower the current global power blocs, it wouldn’t do to put the wind further up the EU now by having a general election. We’ve already rattled them enough.”
But with the flattening of the bird’s nest it seems Boris Johnson is signaling that he’s ready to build on his career best as foreign secretary by relieving Theresa May of the burden of guiding the United Kingdom into the sunny uplands, which incidentally can only be reached by bus.
”It could be Ms May has privately intimated to Mr Johnson that she is ready to hand over the premiership, now the hard work is done, and let him guide the country into the future he has so obviously so carefully planned. Either that or Bannon has threatened to hire some Russian mafia hitmen?”
Whatever the underlying reason, with the official opposition now reconfigured and set to deselect pretty much all its MPs with cross party appeal, the general election is certain to be keenly fought.
”Comb makers are going to cash in, that’s for certain,” Professor Know One added, “they and dodgy, dark money hedge funds will be laughing all the way to the bank.”