Pictures have come to light recently of a man laying a wreath on the grave of a murderer. According to the press, this shows his compassionate side.
“The man wished to remain anonymous,” explained Miss Leigh Ding of the Daily Mail. “But we thought it right and proper to let the public know what sort of man they had to contend with.”
Surely, laying a wreath at a murderer’s grave means that the man is a terrorist sympathiser, and not fit to hold public office?
“But the murderer repented,” argued Ding. “Forgiveness is the highest virtue. This shows that the man has such a big heart, it makes me weep with pure joy.”
This happened four years ago, it’s hardly newsworthy.
“The public need to be reminded, daily, about this man’s character,” Ding scolded. “How else will they respond to the man in the right fashion?”
Let’s play devil’s advocate for a moment. Imagine that the man in the cemetery had been Jeremy Corbyn.
“He always has sinister motives,” responded Ding without thinking. “He would have been there to celebrate terrorism, and we would have shouted about it in a self-righteous manner. It’s in our editorial guidelines.”
What else do they say?
“They are Orwellian in their simplicity,” she said. “Right wing good, left wing bad. You do know that sinister means left, don’t you? And right means correct?”
Does this explain your rabid pro-Brexit reporting too?
“Naturally,” she replied. “Brexit is a far right policy. That means it must be very right indeed. Anything anti-Brexit must therefore be very wrong. It’s that simple!”
Even if the referendum was fraudulent? Even if Brexit is based on lies and fantasies? Even if the likes of Boris Johnson flout the rules and behave disgracefully?
“Of course. Brexit is right, and right means right. Hey, you sound a bit anti-Brexity now! Out, damned traitor! Enemy of the people! Saboteur!”
The compassionate man is taking Corbyn to court to answer charges of treason. The Daily Mail will act as judge, jury and executioner.