A defiant Labour Party rocked the government today with its call for “a” No Deal Brexit instead of “the” No Deal Brexit on offer from Downing Street.
”What do we want?” Keir Starmer demanded, white flag in hand, as he rallied the troops outside the locked gates of Downing Street.
”An official opposition party worth the f*cking name!” random passers by responded.
”No. We want “a” No Deal Brexit,” Keir shouted back, waving his flag, “not “the” No Deal Brexit on offer by our colleagues in government.”
Keir was alone in his protest because Jeremy was asleep, Tom was polishing his Facebook account and the rest of the party was either wringing its hands over whether or not to split, or wondering how much more support they could garner by further infighting over anti-semitism, and which MPs they should boot out for various other, unrelated reasons to do with having actually been electable once.
The timing of Labour’s brawl with itself is important, as it provides a classy symmetry with the Tories unending brawl with themselves over how racist they can make the U.K. before the union fractures and leaves some thing called Little England looking like a cyst on the European rump.
When asked by one of the constables on guard at the Downing Street gates what the difference was between “a” No Deal Brexit and “the” No Deal Brexit, Mr Starmer froze for a few seconds.
”I just say what they tell me to say so Seamus doesn’t organise my local party to de-select me.”
But our exhausted political analyst was able to supply some details.
”Sod all. We all still starve slowly and no one likes us internationally anymore, which makes our life really much harder because we’ve thrown away all our leverage and shat on the goodwill of our allies.”
Wow! I know which No Deal I want!
”It’s actually a real puzzle why Labour have offered their version of No Deal now. Especially as the government are now trying to not publish the horrifying details of what no deal means. You’d think if Labour really wanted to take government they would go full in opposition to Brexit, to defend the most vulnerable, and watch the Tories crumble like a vampire exposed to sunlight.”
Why don’t they oppose the Tories at their weakest point?
“You’ll have to answer that for yourself.”
But now that there is a mountain of evidence of the negative to come from Brexit, lies, criminality and external corruption from overseas powers?
“You’ll have to answer that for yourself.”
Come on Labour, we want “the” official opposition party back. You can smash this toxic shitshow in Downing Street by smashing Brexit.
Why are the Labour leadership determined to float downstream with all the corrupt Tory MPs and assist in making Farage’s vision for the U.K. a reality?
Why are they doing it?
”You’ll have to answer that for yourself.”