A Brexiter taking part in a nationwide survey, conducted only in English counties without functioning train links to anywhere, says he knew he was voting for his off licence to be replaced by an armoured personnel carrier, when he voted for Brexit.
”They call me Brexit Dad round here,” Figel Narage said, “I’m a big supporter of Chris Grayling too. He’s an inspiration. How far can you rise if you’re exceptionally mediocre but have the right friends. Put that on a meme.”
And as to the potential consequences of a No Deal Brexit, twinned with a recession, plus a new complete incompetent in Downing Street, Figel is blithe.
”I knew what I was voting for when I used my OWN PEN to mark my X. I knew my off licence maybe replaced by an APC. If it’s to stuff the frogs and the hun, it’s worth it.”
And Mr Narage is similarly relaxed about disruption to life saving medicines.
”I’m not a diabetic, so what’s to worry about? People will be able to get anything they want on the black market. I read the other day that the Home Office is building hundreds of new coves in Cornwall for that exact purpose. I already buy my smokes on the black market. F*cking asbestos in bog roll, but they’re cheap. People need to stop their whinging and get behind Brexit.”
But what does he have to say to people who disagree with his stance?
”If remoaners keep running the country down on social media we won’t get the exact same benefits as we had as members of the customs union and single market. Which have no benefits anyway, which is why I voted for Brexit.”
As to the potential cost increase at his off licence once it’s replaced by nervous squaddies in an armoured personnel carrier?
”I’ll just bribe them. That’s how global Britain will do it’s business. Why do you think all the main backers are into emerging markets? Rule of law makes my super strength lager more expensive, not less, and I’m not having it anymore. Once we are free of the shackles of Brussels I’ll be able to swap a few porn mags for some powdered eggs. So quit your moaning and imagine the seamless possibilities of scrapping with a student for some lentils. It’s a bold vision and I’m embarrassing. Who needs experts.”
The U.K. might, mostly in disaster recovery? After we begin our No Deal Brexit?
”That sounds like treason talking,” Brexit Dad began to sidle away, “after Brexit, we’re going to make your type famous. Now get behind the illegally secured, narrow win in the advisory referendum of broken and abandoned promises that threatens to strip centuries of rights accumulation away from 99% of the population and crash the economy for the benefit of disaster capitalists and push!”
Push! Mostly with your elbows in the queue at the sandbagged and machine gun mounted off licence, but only after Brexit…it’s what the people voted for when they voted for Brexit.