The Department for Work and Penury was proclaiming its latest success today after it announced that unemployment for clowns is at an all time record low.
”It helps that we’ve changed the way we measure clowning,” Mr R Eaper told LCD Views during a tour of a new workhouse, “now you just have to be appointed to the cabinet.”
So tell us about this new build?
”Once this factory is completed Global Britain will completely eradicate unemployment and the unemployed. We’re always looking backward for the solutions of today. Especially philosophically.”
Late 18th or early 19th century?
”Oh both. And 14th if you consider our deep, frothing at the mouth need to remove FOM from the poor classes. It’s nice our colleague’s running Labour are also committed to that gross reduction of rights for everyday people.”
Why is it that freedom of movement is so bad?
”The British people voted to make racism policy on the 23rd June 2016. We’re just delivering on what was ordered in the completely democratic opinion poll. It’s a good thing Jezza Corbistan is also signed up to that dogwhistle. Makes it a damn sight easier to sell.”
Okay. Next question. Will any clowns be visiting this shiny new workhouse?
”We’ll mostly be confining welfare debtors and their children here to make matches in the old fashioned labour intensive way. Keep those criminal hands busy at constructive work.”
Yes, but will clowns end up here?
”I guess one will turn up for opening day. Cut the ribbon. But mostly I expect them all to be busy for the timebeing employing their excessive personal wealth to ensure after Brexit they maintain individually their freedom of movement. Now, let’s have a look inside the big tent?”