LCD Views can report on the latest developments with the Faragenfurter after an exclusive interview today with Nigel Farage, conducted in a pet cemetery.
“Do you think this would be a good spot to bury Brexit?” Britain’s ingrown toenail asked us, “there’s a nice bit of shade from that oak close by? A good thing too. A proper British tree. None of that foreign muck.”
The ground looks a bit stoney, we suggested, good British bluestone though, none of that foreign muck. It could work. We could dig a test hole?
“I hope no one from somewhere far away buries their pet far right, tax dodging, completely shambolic, would have worked if May had got that increased majority last year as we could just have crashed out and cashed in, aided and abetted by malign forces and useful idiots, political project here.”
We asked if he was worried about not being able to eavesdrop on the conversations going on nearby, when coming to lay flowers on Brexit’s grave? Having understood that he claims now to have never have said Brexit would make the UK better off, just he had tenderly hoped it would make us all as racist and despicable as him?
“I’m not coming back after the burial,” Mr Farage rebuffed, “now look here, don’t you go saying I ever, ever suggested Brexit was a project the great British people should embark on.”
But you were the zombie king of Brexit for years?
“That’s fake news,” Mr Farage flushed, “in fact I will tell you now, no, no, no, don’t interrupt me, I will tell you now, in one week from now I’ll be denying I ever campaigned for Brexit to begin with.”
Can we print that today? Is this an exclusive?
“Nothing is exclusive about me but my adoration of Spode, Moseley and tooth brush moustaches.”
Can we print that in seven days?
“Only after I tweet it. Only an idiot would campaign for Brexit.”