Horror in central London today as beloved and beleaguered British chumocracy toast rack, foot stool and all round bowel complaint Iain Duncan Smith was rushed to A&E with lock jaw after his vocal CAPS LOCK stuck during Brexit outburst.
”It was horrifying to witness,” giggled a witness, “I nearly shat myself I laughed so hard when his lower jaw just jammed in place during a Brexit interview.”
It seems Irritable Duncan Smite Self In Face With Fist And Repeat was talking about using denigration, film flam, dismissal of reality and insults to bridge the growing divide in U.K. politics regarding Brexit when the calamity occurred.
”Clearly we all know now that only tax dodgers and fascists and geriatric revolutionaries who need complete chaos to progress from GO are going to benefit from Brexit,” an expert opined, “so Eerie Douchebag Shit is finding the going a bit rum when he’s wheeled out like an old veined cheese to berate and badger the populace to get behind Brexit.”
So deep now is the rhetorical deficit in support of the hard right, hard left, shake it all and ruin all about Brexit project now that Irritable Dickhead Smith is having to plunder the genius deployed online by kippers and biffers and bots in debates (loosely using that word) about Wrexitall.
”He got very worked up. He started squirming. He was frothing at the mouth some and then it happened. He reached in deep. He just shoved his head right up his own arse, got stuck at his shoulders and ploughed on regardless of the harm he was doing to himself and anyone watching.”
Is that when his jaw locked?
”Yes. He just finished shouted, flat palm raised, if you love the EU so bloody much why don’t you go and live there!!!,!!! and his vocal caps lock broke in the depressed position. I doubt he’ll recover.”
Doctors have advised they will be operating on Idiotic Dangerous S tonight in the hope of fixing his lock jaw.
”I have to correct you there,” the expert corrected us there, “they’re not fixing the vocal caps lock, they’re slamming his jaws together and nailing them shut. It’s what the Hippocratic oath calls for. It’s in Iain’s interests and everyone’s.”