Elder British statesman Nigel Farage has clarified his call for the abolition of the House of Lords by stating he’ll “stop calling for abolition of the Lords if they make him one.”
The offer will be a timely relief for the Lords who suddenly find themselves anti-establishment heroes for their insistence on doing the job they’re unelected to do.
”My preference is for an elected upper house,” Herr Farage added, “just a lot smaller. I’m sure with the right persuasion and vote rigging and dark money channeled into the campaign by someone with an insurance business as an alleged front, the will of the people would be shown to be to have a small House of Lords handpicked with ballot boxes stuffed by myself and Cambridge Analytica employees.”
High Commander Farage went on then to list the people he felt should be elected with a one hundred percent vote in their favour.
”Myself of course. Arron. Dacre. Murdoch. Vladimir. Trump. Arlene. Kate. Corbyn. Hannan. It’s a decent list of proven word artists. Basically anyone who can be relied upon to back Brexit to the hilt. Oh, and hanging. And gun ownership. And tax liberalisation. And opposition to climate change. And changing history courses in schools to reflect what children should learn.”
Whether or not Theresa May will give in and award Farage a peerage will depend upon which threats she receives via snail mail from Jacob Rees-mogg and the other serial chancers of the ERG.
”Elected representatives have proven themselves to be very malleable and easily startled. Just look at the nonsense parliament currently is with two major parties scared racists won’t vote for them. It’s high time we did away with that lack of fear in the upper house.”
What Lord Nigel would be Lord of is open to suggestions.