Britain’s Nero, aka Theresa May MP and PM (for a little bit longer) has been told to fiddle her neocon fiddle more loudly so the people can hear her fiddling over the roar of the flames.
“It’s a magic fiddle,” says Jacob Rees-mogg (MP for your favourite historical period), “it spurts flammable liquids onto the flames each time the bow is drawn across the strings. It’s a pre-glorious revolutionary instrument for political music. I’m one of the conductors. There are others. Anyone who photoshops well with a toothbrush moustache can dictate the tune Mayhem plays. Oh, and Arlene Foster.”
The musical mischief making, which has been going on for almost two years now, made a change for Britain’s Nero, as previously her role was more junior and confined to lurking about the shadows, stacking the streets of the cities with crisp tinder that would readily take the flames. The so called, hostile environment concerto which has been played all throughout the United Kingdom (using United loosely) and to energetic reviews across the channel.
“I fancy a go at the fiddle myself,” Jacob continued, “I’m a bit frustrated just conducting from the background. If the winds fanning the flames drop in intensity there may actually be something left to rebuild with.
Whereas my preference is to fulfil the destiny my idea of God whispers in my ears at night when he delivers the next day’s sheet music. A borderless destiny tax wise which fulfils the dreams of crushing and controlling worker’s rights without freedom of movement. A greater song than even fathering endless children to give latin names to.”
We asked our music correspondent for a quick comment on the performance.
“It’s a rebirth of discordant, atonal music so popular in the first half of the 20th century,” they said, “great for marching in time with a high leg lift to. Mind you, I’m not so sure how long Nero can keep fiddling as the country burns, one by one the strings are breaking. It’s just a matter of time now until the Mayhem performance closes. No doubt to rapturous applause.”