A home office memo leaked to LCD Views regarding proposed policy changes forcing honesty in politics reveals the changes were abandoned after ministers were warned most would be kicked out of office.
”The memo dates from just after David Cameron’s caring conservatives were unleashed to govern alone in 2015,” crack investigative reporter Rosie reveals, “due to the promise to hold an in/out referendim on whether or not to completely destroy the United Kingdom, it was apparent that lying through the teeth was going to be vital for many sitting MPs to survive the ref campaign.”
As such any changes to rules governing the behaviour of elected representatives and holding them more fully accountable when they bullshit the public like there’s no tomorrow we’re seen as an existential threat.
”We’ve seen the wisdom of accepting the advice of civil servants that most MPs would be stuffed if they made the changes and how much foresight was involved in not changing a damn thing.”
Happily the freedom to rig select committees in the government’s favour by way of obscure legislative instruments means they’re safe in that way too.
”David Davis would have been out on his ear the day he took office. Boris would have been forcibly ejected from parliament at his maiden speech. Theresa May? Christ. She also would lose her job day in and day out.”
But what have Labour to say about the revelations.
”Jobs first Brexit. Blaming migrant workers for eroding living conditions of leave supporters. Calling for article 50 to be triggered the day after the referendum. Whipping MPs in support of Theresa May at most crunch points so far in the Brexit process. They’ve a fair bit to say.”
But not all of those are lies.
”No. Some are just grossly incompetent.”
So we’re stuck with lying ministers in government till 2022?
”Not necessarily. The people can remember democracy functions best when elected politicians are held to account for their actions.
We can all change this system before it’s too late if we get serious. If enough voters demand it.
Preferably before people start digging up undeclared caches of arms in Northern Ireland. Not that I’m saying there are any. You know, hypotheticals and all that. Brexiters.
They’ll get people killed. Don’t let them get away with it.”