Brexiters encouraged to join new strip club

A new strip club, exclusively for Brexiters, has been set up in a discreet and exclusive location in central London. Named Pick ‘n’ Mix, admission is by bribe only.

Inside, all the usual features are present and correct. A tacky stage, overpriced drinks. Middle aged men, who ought to be spending their time and money on their families. The only thing missing is women young enough to be their daughters taking off their clothes, because Pick ‘n’ Mix is an asset stripping club.

First up on the stage is Health Care. An attractive young woman, immaculately suited, presents the Accountable Care Organisations. “Look at the assets on that!” murmurs one punter to another. “I would, wouldn’t you?”

“Yeah, wouldn’t kick that out of the boardroom!” his companion replies., digging for his wallet.

Soon, both had left sizeable deposits, with the promise that they could get their filthy paws on more assets after hours in a private room.

LCD spoke to one of the Brexiters, Phil Thilucre, about why he was in the club.

“It’s strictly word-of-mouth,” he disclosed. “Anyone who is anyone in the disaster capitalism business knows about it, though. This is the first time that a formal club has been set up for extreme capitalists like us!”

Why has this happened now?

“Brexit is like a fire sale, but on a massive scale,” explained Thilucre. “The UK is going to crash and burn. The bigger the crash, the cheaper the assets we strip. The UK will be forced to sell its crown jewels. In fact, the Crown Jewels will be up for sale next week.”

What’s in it for you?

“Making money is easy. Buy cheap, sell expensive!” claimed Thilucre. “We are simply giving the market a helping hand.”

This is precisely why rules about insider trading exist, we suggest.

“Brexit is meant to cut through petty rules and restrictions,” Thilucre claimed. “We are taking back control. Hang on, I want to bid for Buckingham Palace.”

Finally. Clarity. Brexit means ditching all the rules designed to protect everybody else from the rapacious desires of the unscrupulous super-rich. Doesn’t that feel good?

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