A family in an endlessly war torn part of the world has today expressed its gratitude that it’s only local elections happening in the United Kingdom on May 3rd.
“Some may call us ungrateful for the attention we’ve recently received from the world’s pillars of democracy,” one member of the family said, “but hey, everyone likes their fifteen minutes of fame once a year.”
The family was speaking after the Friday night bombing raid on Syrian chemical weapons facilities and stock piles. While pleased that Assad’s capabilities in this area may have been temporarily downgraded, they were still left with some niggling doubts about the motivations behind the coalition of the willing’s actions.
“It’s okay to blow up civilians here or in Yemen with conventional weaponry?” they wanted to know, “but it’s not okay to gas us? That’s when limited action is taken? It does seem a bit cynical. If you were really concerned presumably you’d be committed full time to bring an end to the conflict?”
They did go on to say they were pleased that the military industrial complex had a playground though.
“Everyone thought Eisenhower was a bit loopy when he made his big goodbye speech in the fifties, warning of the commercial push for endless war,” the representative of the family commented, while lugging a small child for miles down a bomb cratered road, “but I suspect he’s been shown to be very much on the mark. Much like a laser guided missile. How much do they cost again?”
Still, at least the action is only limited.
“It plays into everyone’s hands,” the family said, “most of the leaders involved need a PR win. It’s a little curious on the part of May and Trump, given their attitudes to refugees. It’s also a little curious from the stop the war group, as I don’t recall them protesting the barrel bombing of my home or the other mass drops of conventional munitions by Assad and Putin? Still, everyone has busy lives, so you get involved when it suits I suppose.”
They hope to have a little rest now.
“It’s probably just as well the United Kingdom only has local elections coming up on May 3rd. God only knows how much your government would care about us if it was a general election!”