Brexit Industries, all of them, are a target once again after their bowling alley caught the eye of the health and safety executive for using local residents as pins.
”It was pretty bad to be honest,” local resident Mr Demo told LCD Views, as we arrived to see the lanes inspected, but still at this moment in use, “people were told it was more fun dodging the bowling balls than it was rolling them.
I wasn’t convinced. I tried to stop people standing in a triangle. Ten at a time, rabbits in the headlights, and here comes the hard, rolling ball…”
It’s believed the lanes were opened after a series of high scoring strikes by a big blonde man featured prominently on television.
”There were other promoters of the lanes. BBC was right behind it even. Health and safety experts did say that standing as still as you can in a group of ten as a fourteen pound ball smashed into you would cause a lot of damage, but another guy said it would make people money, so they did it anyway.”
But who is rolling the balls down the lanes if all the local people are pins?
”All the people who are doing the actual bowling are incredibly wealthy types or bearded revolutionaries.”
Apparently in order to bowl and not be a pin you have to prove you have a certain amount of money in a tax haven, or you have to be an idiot nostalgic for a past that never really existed who couldn’t give a flying sh*t about the needs and dreams of the young.
Or thirdly you have to have missed some revolutionary boat decades ago and see the Brexit bowling alley as a magic portal to catch the boat.
LCD Views commends all innovations in community sports and we are expressly glad the Brexit bowling lanes are bringing the 1% of wealthiest people together to play with everyone else, at their expense.