The much loved and hankered after unity of the governing Conservative cabinet lay in shreds this morning after a controversial change was made to the United Kingdom’s coat of arms overnight.
“What’s with the f*cking Johnson?” Ms May is said to have hissed, as a fresh pile of official correspondence greeted her, as she sat down at her desk to evade the big questions of the day.
It’s believed a modification to the government’s coat of arms was in the offing, but, ”A turkey rampant had been chosen to replace the lion on the left of the shield. Not a poundstore Trump on a lion’s body,” an aide to the prime minister informed LCD Views, on the condition of anonymity.
Is this to symbolise the transition currently occurring in the United Kingdom?
”Yes. As we are right now turkeys having voted for Christmas, who are expected to become dodos post Brexit, these two British birds were felt to best symbolise what is afoot.”
So who is responsible for the premature and abrupt change?
”Boris Johnson appears to have broken into the Home Office last night, three sheets to the wind and made some alterations,” the aide replied.
So what is Ms May to do about it? Surely this is a sacking offence?
”I know your publication has a reputation for being less than serious at times about the big issues facing the country,” the aide said, “but that’s just ludicrous. Risk Ms May’s job over an issue of national importance? You don’t know much about modern British political leadership.”
So we’re all going to have to get used to the new coat of arms?
“Just pretend it’s not happening,” Mr Parkinson advised, “and you hold the current key to government.”