The United Kingdom is bereft and confused today as the foolproof Brexit Easter Egg kits were withdrawn from sale, after the rabbit included in each kit refused to lay the promised chocolate flavoured sovereignty eggs.
“We were traumatised,” Mr K Ipper of Juniper Lane, Independence Street, told LCD Views, “we bought a kit from a posh man with a suitcase full on the high road after he told us they were certain to lay Easter eggs. Nothing. Just a lot of rabbit poo on the carpet and some chewed furnishings.”
Mr Ipper wasn’t alone in his disappointment. We spoke to our consumer affairs correspondent to learn more.
“Over seventeen million Britons are reported to have purchased a Brexit Easter Egg kit on the promise that the rabbits inside were better than unicorns for this time of year and would lay chocolate, and maybe even gold eggs.
Nothing has been delivered as promised, in spite of reports of the rabbits straining really hard on a diet of complete and pure bullshit.”
What have the rabbits produced then?
“The promise of jam mostly. Which also makes little sense. The rabbits are pretty much a four legged wrecking ball. People who take them into the home report large, gaping holes appearing in the walls and the rabbits still expecting to be let out into the yard whenever they like.”
I presume unsatisfied customers are eating or returning the rabbits before more harm is done?
“Some are. But interestingly a sizeable percentage of the hoodwinked consumers are still watching their rabbit waiting for it to poop out an egg, or curiously blaming people who just went to the supermarket and purchased an actual chocolate Easter egg.
It’s like the people who bought the rabbits haven’t done the most basic of research. But that can’t be right, as that would make them credulous and self defeatingly stubborn by now.”
How are the manufacturers of the Brexit Easter Egg kits planning to compensate unhappy customers?
“They’re calling them traitors.”
That’s a good first step. And after that?
“Oh, they’ll be too busy counting the money they made selling the bogus Easter Egg kits to worry about that. I expect they’ll take a holiday somewhere tropical and come back in a few years time.”`