David Davis put on his half finished Brexit suit today to announce he was “Putting the lotion on our skin so we don’t get the hose again”.
This “is the new take back control” he added.
The reassuring statement was made from the bottom of a well that Mr Davis has been digging in the basement of 10 Downing Street, with the help of other Conservative party MPs, that have also taken themselves, and us, hostage.
”I now feed myself with a bucket on a string,” Davis looked surprisingly okay with that, as he peered over the rim of the deep hole to see what he was doing with the lotion.
”Some idiots think that the EU is bullying us, but given we have kidnapped ourselves with the ruse of a sovereignty sofa that needed lifting into the back of a control van, I think it’s fair to say we’re doing this to ourselves.”
So how often do we have to apply the lotion to our skin, so we don’t apply the hose to ourselves again?
”Anytime there is a negotiating chokepoint in the Brexit negotiations. It’s amazing how fast the lotion can rub out a red line on our skin.”
Is there anyway we can rescue ourselves from this hole we’ve thrown ourselves into? Before we finish the Brexit suit?
”Yes. But only if enough people ditch their political party loyalties and show the sociopaths to the far left and the far right that we aren’t prepared to skin ourselves to make their ideological wet dreams come true. Oh, and Hannibal Lectre.”
What’s he got to do with it?
”There is no way in hell he’s a Brexiter. He’s too smart. Even if he is a mass killer.”
So we need to get big money working for us?
”It’s about time they did.”